CLASSIFIED FILE : THING

Thing Without Abrain (commonly known as "thing") is the online persona of ████. Both ████ and Thing use any pronouns, but they/them will be used going forward in this document. Below is a transcript of an interview between ████ and worker who chooses to remain anonymous.

INTERVIEWER: Evening.

████: hello!! :D

INTERVIEWER: Did--

[Interviewer struggles to laugh.]

INTERVIEWER: Did you just "colon D" at me? How did you even do that!?

████: what? the :D?

INTERVIEWER: Yeah, that! You're not making this interview any easier if you keep doing that.

████: sorry :(

INTERVIEWER: It's okay. Now, I have some questions some colleagues of mine that we'd like answers to.

████: ok

[The shuffling of papers are heard.]

INTERVIEWER: What are your interests?